


Worship My Wreck

by enbyinaband



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Anxiety, Caretaking, Chronic Pain, Depression, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heart-to-Heart, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insults, Lunch, M/M, Medication, Mental Breakdown, Protectiveness, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-17 14:20:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28601343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enbyinaband/pseuds/enbyinaband
Summary: Dave keeps putting everyone first, especially his boyfriend Corpse, and ignoring his own needs.
Relationships: David P. Brown/CorpseHusband
Comments: 5
Kudos: 21





	Worship My Wreck

_I don't wanna stop._ had been his cry for help for so long. Was anyone ever going to answer?

He supposed Corpse bad even if he wasn't aware, for the two of them seamlessly started seeing each other as more than friends nine months ago. Of course, Dave knew a boyfriend would not solve all this problems, yet ever since they had moved in together, in London, the quality of life had brightened and had become an easier fight against staying in bed all day. Granted, he was only motivated in order to take care of that special someone when chronic pain worsened, but that was what he did to avoid taking care of himself; technically, he was making a meal for both of them, yet it was more of an excuse to share quality time with the other man. While warm water pitter-pattered against the linoleum upstairs, the British-born man tried his best to have their take away containers look homemade, carefully transporting tofu and chicken separately into respective bowls on top of fried rice and assorted vegetables. 

"Dumbass, he's gonna know where it's from!" David chided himself as he grabbed a water bottle and a beer before placing them onto the slightly cluttered dining table, a testament to how rarely it was used, when a large thud slammed into the ceiling, "Love, are you alright?!"

His concerns were covered by a string of curses, the steady stream of domesticated rain only white noise now. Racing to the second story with several steps skipped in between, he tried to ignore the ache in long limbs left unexercised as his light body weight fell against the pine door.

"Core," he let out in a sharp exhale, scrambling to the blue zigzag patterned curtain and shoving it aside to see the crumpled form of thick legs drawn to a broad chest, "Hon, what-"

"Back… gave out…"

"Shit, lemme help you to bed."

"I've got it, give me a sec. Please…"

Helplessly, Dave let him struggle to his feet with obvious strain. Unable to stand by for long, Dave let out a sigh of relief when the younger one leaned against his shoulder as they continued to the shared room a few meters down the hall. Steady hand placed gently into his left hip, he managed to get corpse bundled into his side of the mattress making sure he did not overwork the affected area before he draped the bedspread over. 

,"Dave…" he grumbled out through gridded teeth, dark brown eyes following his every move, "You don't have to be my doctor."

"Bullshit."

"Seriously, go worry about yourself."

"Y'know I can't."

"I know we had plans, it's gonna make me feel like more of a fuck up!"

"Well, I'll bring our date here. We'll have a day in bed, watch anime."

Corpse let out and approving grunt at the suggestion which Dave happily accepted before leaning over to kiss his Temple before he left to the ground floor. While waiting for the rice to reheat, he gathered other necessities that would make the short-lived healing process feel like a speedy recovery. Luckily the stuffed moose.he had been looking for was still in his boyfriend's spot from their cuddle session the previous night, picking it up tenderly and switching out the food for the weighted stuffed animal. Trying to race against the microwave timer, David rummaged through a few cabinets to uncover a metal tray, an unknown sense of dread crawling through overworking muscles that he pushed through for Corpse's sake, knowing if he failed that he would not be able to handle the consequence of losing someone he depended on so highly. At least his friends and family knew the awful person he convinced himself into believing was true since all he did was have them waste time on him while he was disabled. 

"Hurry up, you annoying twat," he started, knowing it was another losing battle against a sick, but kicking, brain, "He's suffering and you're only making it worse! You're a horrible boyfriend, don't deserve him…"

Convinced so strongly by the civil conversation, he could barely hear a generic notification indicate incoming texts, the constant, repetitive beeping also serving as an excusable distraction. Trying his hardest not to scald a scrawny arm as the plushie nestled between it and a bony rib cage, he chastised himself for taking longer than needed, voice dying out as his hip nudged open the entrance; at least corpse was still awake even if barely for he was one of the limited few on a shrinking list of reasons to actually smile rather than paint one on forcefully.

"You get my messages?"

"Didn't look at my phone. Did I forget something?"

"That I could hear you from here."

"What're you on about?"

"Don't play dumb, you're so fucking intelligent. Just read what I sent." He suggested, bracing against the pillows to grab the stuffed animal away from Dave.

Setting the serving tray down on the nearest bedside table and unlocking the untouched phone, he swiped past a normal lock screen to reveal a picture of them from a first date in this very flat, forgetting why he opened it in the first place as his post started to increase. Two unread messages, luckily, caught his eye.

_Core🖤: Take your time, I've got plenty of ibuprof._  
_Core🖤: Oh, David… you're not any of those names you're calling yourself so much better than you give yourself credit. I'll make sure you know that when you get your cute ass back to me ;)_

Both indicators he had, indeed, been able to pick up on the insults, Dave letting out a light, fragile laugh as he kept watery eyes on the screen long after it faded to black. Even if he hated the reflection staring at him and despondence, it felt more deserving than the look he expected to radiate 'you should already know that, dipshit' vibes. 

"You wanna look at me, hon?"

"Not right now… you're the one in pain, you shouldn't worry about me."

"Well, I'm going to anyway."

"Why?"

"'Cos I kinda love ya? And I don't want to lose you to those thoughts."

He shuddered at the implications, white denim clinging to scars reopened and rehealed over years on his inner thighs. Urges had dwindled, but the wounds still haunted him though his mind was convinced most were cat scratches, much as he hated shifting blame to an innocent Quistis, the rest acquired due to sheer clumsiness while shaving areas less likely attended to, but his body knew their origins.

"Why don't we eat? We can come to this when you're comfortable."

"I'm tired of ignoring this, love."

"Okay, but you still need food." Corpse reassured, huffing as he shuffled over to retrieve the vegan bowl and place it between them on the beige blanket, spooning a scoop of brown rice, steamed broccoli, and tofu he held to the other's lips patiently, "Go ahead."

"I'm not hungry anymore."

"Then why'd you reheat both?"

Shit, he had a point... Reluctantly, he leaned forward timidly and started with the first bite, quietly focusing on the food as it awoke a hunger he had not been listening to lately and pulled back halfway through to directly face the younger man despite red and eyes and lashes stuck by dried tears.

"Yes baby?"

"I think I need to change my meds, it's not helping anymore."

"How not, have you returned to…?"

"No, but I'm afraid I'll go back eventually," he admitted, fiddling absent-mindedly with the thin bracelet around his right wrist as he remembered the screaming vocals shoved into his ears as he suffered from self-inflicted damage, "I gotta distract myself with more than gaming nowadays, yet it doesn't always work."

"Maybe you should take a break?" Corpse asked, reaching forward to stroke back a lock of red hair and hold his jaw steadily, "you never stop moving even when you don't feel like uploading and would rather sleep."

"Did I end up kicking you again?"

"No, but you were pretty restless." 

"Between wanting to care for you and running from mental shit, I don't have time to rest." 

"Well, you can start by laying beside me."

"After I put your heating pad in place?"

"Go ahead."

Content with the compromise, Dave moved to the empty spot as his boyfriend tried to lift himself without help, moving swiftly to snake the extension cord through the spacing of an intricately woven metal leg, laying it out just as the other collapsed onto the mattress again. Dave warned him out of concern to be careful, snuggling in without hesitation as a cheek rested onto a wider chest and sighing in content as thicker fingers combed through tangled strands.

"My thoughts are going to catch up and it'll be ugly."

"I can handle it."

Dave resisted the urge to scoff or doubt the others capabilities, yet his mind had no problem projecting those unspoken concerns: 'he's only saying it to shut you up', 'he'll get tired of your moping around', 'you'll end up running him off', and the worst one, 'you should just end it when he's asleep, you wanted to then'.

"Fuck off!" He let out in anguish, free hand clutching his crumpled brow as the thoughts amplified. It would be so easy to claw his face raw as punishment for even thinking about taking matters into his own hand. 

"I'm here, Davey."

He was fortunate to know more good people than most did, especially with such a considerate boyfriend at the ready, even if he did not consider himself worthy of receiving all of their collective worries. Dave supposed that he could start trying to be a little more consistent, yet he wouldn't admit to it in case that plan should fail though he didn't see this as a matter to go back on. Corpse would see to it if he faltered, Dave was sure, and that would be the immense pressure needed to get this serious issue finished, not just addressed and put off for another few months.


End file.
